How I feel?
by ironic lust
Summary: just a short story on how Neliel may have felt towards Nnoitra. Some cussing. More chapters if rated good.
1. Chapter 1

Neliel walked down the corridor of Las Noches heading towards her room. A long hand slammed itself next to her "So how's it going Neliel." The 8th espada said. "What do you need Nnoitra." Neliel asked seriously but calmly "Another fight so I can finally end your pathetic pity filled life." "I'm busy." "Does it look like I give a damn?" "I don't care if you care or not if I do fight you it will end as it always does Nnoitra." Neliel replied. Before she could keep heading to her room he swung his Santa Teresa at her head she dodged head still turned away from him and that was just another fight where he would end up on the ground physically hurt as well as his ego a bit damaged.

Nnoitra woke up on the ground of Hueco Mundo his head filled with confusion and pain but he was sure of the curvaceous figure he saw not far from him. "Why the fuck did you save me Neliel?" Nnoitra asked. "I saved you from death because what good would it do us to lose another member of the espadas, what good would it do to lord Aizen." Neliel answered the disoriented Nnoitra. "Like shit that's the reason you saved me bitch." "Whatever think what you want but I know the reason I saved you and that's what matters to me in the end." "I fucking hate you Neliel you know that right." He yelled at her as she was leaving. "The sad thing is I don't hate you Nnoitra." She said to him as she gave him a sad glance before she kept walking. "FUCK. If you don't hate me the way I hate you then what do you feel towards me Neliel!" He yelled at the top of his lungs to the green haired woman. Silence from her. "Answer me." Nnoitra yelled at Neliel again. Neliel turned around her silhouette framed in the darkness of Hueco Mundo by the light of the never ending moon she answered him "You wouldn't understand how I feel towards you, I know you better than you know yourself you would take my feelings the wrong way so what's the point of me telling you how I feel." She answered him, her voice rasp from holding back tears. "Tell me how you feel I want to know." Nnoitra yelled at Neliel again. Neliel used her sonido towards him. Neliel stood over him shadowing her eyes from his view so he wouldn't see her eyes tearing. "Fine." Neliel said as she leaned down towards Nnoitra's face and gave him a kiss. Neliel left Nnoitra in shock lying on the ground of Hueco Mundo confused and unsure of his own feelings.


	2. Chapter 2

Neliel was back in her room at Las Noches she lay on her side hands under her head thinking of what she had done not long ago.

Neliel had finally done something she had wanted to do for such a long time, kiss the man that held her in such contempt he hated her so much but she didn't feel that way towards him. She didn't know how and what to feel towards her.

"Why does it have to be like this?" Neliel said as she slammed her fist on the pillow that caressed her head. There was a loud slam. Neliel looked up her door was on the ground in two pieces unhinged from the frame where it once was. "Who the fuck gave you the right to kiss me, you stupid bitch." Nnoitra words sounded different as they came out of his mouth, as if they were trying to sound angry but instead they sounded unsure, confused, maybe even worried. "Get out, now! I don't want to see or hear you right now. LEAVE!" Neliel said in a raised voice trying to sound as threatening as possible. "You dumb Bitch do you really think I'm going to listen to you." "I was hoping you would listen but seeing it's a beast like you I thought as much." Neliel got off her bed as she uttered these words.

"Explain to me." "Explain to you what?" "Don't act stupid Neliel you know what the fuck I'm talking about!" Nnoitra was losing what little patience he had with the woman that stood only a mere few inches away from him. "What is there to explain, you don't understand and you will never understand you are a beast no not an animal, animals can rationally think but a beast like you is a brute that only lust for blood and others pain and doesn't listen to others they only listen to the sound of their own voice." "Really I'm the one who only listens to the sound of my own voice look at you; you're such a hypocrite Neliel it makes me sick." Nnoitra chuckled out.

"The reason I came in here why haven't you answered my question Neliel, explain it to me before I slit open your throat with your own sword." Nnoitra frustration was growing as he yelled at Neliel to her face almost to the point of touching it." "I'm not going to explain the kiss to you." Neliel said as she was making her way out the hole where the door once was. Before Neliel could react Nnoitra got her by the arm and slammed her against the wall putting both hand to the sides of her head.


	3. Chapter 3

She could feel her bones crack as he slammed her against the wall throwing his hands to the side of her head made it shake. "Answer me my damn question Neliel!" Nnoitra yelled practically gripping the long green hair of Neliel. "Fine I'll answer your question after you answer mine." Neliel said with no expression in her voice. "Tcchh, fine." He snarled." "Why do you hate me so much Nnoitra is it because I'm a woman ranked higher than you I doubt that, I ask you this out of wanting to know and to understand how you feel?"

"I'll tell you exactly why I hate you, it's because you pity me because I'm weaker than you because of the way I live, what if I hate the way you live not giving a damn always happy, smiling and then you see me and your stupid smile fades away am I that much of an inconvenience in your life but yet you don't kill me wouldn't that make your life better huh Neliel." Nnoitra said all this sounding unsure through gritted teeth. "No it wouldn't in my eyes it would make everything worse." Neliel voice began changing as if she wanted to scream and cry.

"Why would it make everything worst you wouldn't have to deal with me anymore you also know how I want to die you could fulfill my wish of dying in a heated fight, but then again your just a selfish bitch right Neliel." He laughed after saying these words. "Nnoitra you really are a stupid beast aren't you." Neliel raised her voice in anger as she said these words. Nnoitra was taken back shocked even he had never heard Neliel talk to him like that she usually maintained her calm demeanor even with him but he could tell he finally got a reaction from her. Nnoitra smiled.

"Why am I stupid Neliel?" Nnoitra mocked her. Neliel began to burst into tears yelling at him. "I can't you still don't understand why I follow you the reason I saved you from death or the reasons why i kissed you or why I called you stupid. The reason I did all this was because I care about you." Nnoitra released his hands from the side of her head letting them slide down the cold wall. He was quiet. Nnoitra lifted one hand to Neliel's cheek and wiped away a tear from her face and licked his hand. "Doesn't taste like how I imagined it would it taste like sadness not fear like how I was hoping it would." He said blandly.

"And stop crying you look weak, if I'm going to break you down it's not going to be emotionally it's gonna be physically." He said as he left the room Santa Teresa clinging on his back. "I'm gonna go sleep." Neliel stared at him until she could no longer see him. She was even more confused than he had been when she kissed him. Neliel wasn't sure if she should go after him but if it was true that he really did hate her with all his being one thing was in her favor she would always be in his mind.

Not the last chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

When she could no longer feel the presence of Nnoitra around she broke down no one had ever caused her this she was weak she wanted to be like him. uncaring of others not caring if someone she knew died right now not caring for those she killed just losing herself in the moment with no regret of what was done or what will be said and done. She wished to be the beast and lay with it. Neliel fell asleep with that thought lingering in her head.

A few hours later she woke up. Pesche and Dondochakka were in her room sitting at a desk waiting and watching her she could sense they knew something was wrong or even right in her life. "Hello Pesche and Dondochakka is something wrong?" Neliel said as she yawned. "That's what we would like to know what's wrong something is different emotionally speaking." Pesche tone in voice changed what was usually comical was now serious.

"Nothing I'm fine and if I were to change it wouldn't be with you guys you're my brothers and I love you." Neliel knew she could tell them that because they loved her back they understood her like nobody else. "I'll see you two later I have to do something important if that's okay with you two." "Of course Nel-sama you don't have to explain yourself to us." They both said.

Neliel walked down many corridors too Nnoitra room she knew that the rooms were exactly the same but she knew Nnoitra would think differently he would probably say hers was bigger or nicer. Neliel finally arrived at Nnoitra room she wasn't sure to knock or just barge in like he would. She sometimes wished to be like him or understand him better. So she decided to barge in.

Nnoitra wasn't in there she realized as she looked around just His Fraccion sitting at a desk reading he was very different from Nnoitra. Tesra. Tesra was a young looking male arrancar he was blond gray eyed of average height. Neliel thought he was cute. She liked Tesra but hated how much he idolized Nnoitra the way he would never defend or stand up for himself when Nnoitra would attack him with words or attack him physically she knew that if Tesra were to finally confront Nnoitra that he would get beaten but Nnoitra wouldn't kill him. Tesra was sensitive. Tesra is one of the few that understood Nnoitra one of the few that actually cared for him. "Tesra where is Nnoitra." Neliel asked. "Why do you want to know?" He answered back closing the book he had been reading. "I wish to talk to him."

"I don't know and if I did why would I tell you." He shot a look at her and if looks could kill this would have definitely ended her. "Please tell me if you know." "I really don't know sorry." Even with the woman that had defeated his idol so many times he was still polite and respectful. Why? "Thank you." Before she was a foot out the door she heard him say "One day he'll win over you." Neliel sighed. Maybe he already won something of hers she thought as she left.

His spiritual pressure wasn't far from Las Noches She followed it getting stronger as she got closer to him. He swung at her with his sword nearly missing her head when she finally caught up with him

"Oh, it's just you. What do you need Neliel."

"I want to finish our conversation.

"Well I don't."

"Does it look like I care Nnoitra?"

"Tchh, Fine do what you want." Nnoitra was acting differently actually listening to her he has never done this. "Just answer me this do you get how I feel towards you now." She asked the tall man standing just a few feet away "I'll never understand or want to." He answered the green haired woman. She stared at him she knew he was lying. "Now you answer me this. Do you understand me?" "I want to understand you, Nnoitra." "You never will, Just gonna tell you that much."

There was silence between the two for a while "Let's go Neliel." He broke the silence first. She looked at him at his lavender eye she could tell he was in thought. "Go where?" "Where do I usually go when I have nothing to do?" "Oh, why do you do what you do Nnoitra?" "Does it matter why I do it or if I answer you? I'll still do it." "I just wanted to know and understand you better that is why I asked." Did I not just get through telling you never will understand me? Anyways before you get all comfortable with me acting this way towards you let me tell you that after today I'll go back to acting the way I do towards you."

Neliel nodded and gave a low sigh to him. She made the best of that day, They didn't argue or fight they just walked in silence. They both new how everything would go back to how it was. But there would be more judgment more fights less emotion between the two. He would go back to hating her and plotting her end and she would go back to defeating him and protecting him from himself. They both didn't care as long as the other was on their mind for whatever reason they were ok with whatever thought came.

As Nnoitra fell to the ground the last sound he heard the last thing he saw his last thought was her. Neliel Tu Odelschwank. Nel stared at him she still didn't understand but she knew she was his last thought he would ever have it was in her favor always. But it was also in his favor because he would be the memory of love and hate. They were ok.


End file.
